The Master of Disaster (in the kitchen)

When I look back at all the things I have/had in life, I realize that God has given me practically all that I have ever wished for and I am extremely grateful for it! But one thing he didn't give me is a sense of what to put in a frying pan. I am a walking time bomb in the kitchen. I have no clue of what I am supposed to do once I step foot into the kitchen. Each time I step into the kitchen, it feels like I am on another planet. Everything seems so strange and new. And unfortunately for me, I have to be away from home for another 3 years at the least and I have to live on whatever it is that I end up cooking in the kitchen. But God did show a little sympathy and he gave me a couple of room mates who know how to cook so I am sure I will survive for a few more months to come. But then again there comes a time in every man's life when there is a need to be independent and in my case it happened when my roommates headed out of town for the weekend. And so I decided to take the plunge.

I moved through the kitchen with the nimbleness of a Jaguar. I opened all the cupboards and shelves to check whatever was in them. Then I picked up a couple of vegetables from the refrigerator and dumped them all into a frying pan filled with oil. I switched on the stove and watched the vegetables sizzle in the oil pan. It was around this time that my hunger pangs struck again and I had to get something to eat, a light snack if you may call it. So I looked around for something to eat and by the time I found it, and started munching on it, the smoke from the pan activated the smoke alarm. I spent the next ten minutes trying to shut the damn thing down! So there I was sitting in a kitchen which was a total mess, the vegetables lay there on the pan fried and burned beyond recognition. That was when I realized that an overly cooked potato can be used to stone someone to death!

And just when I had given up hope of cooking something at home, I came across a beautiful creation - 2 Minute Noodles! The instructions were simple. The whole process seemed simple. And I finally didn't have to starve that weekend.

But now there is a program coming up in a couple of days where a lot of friends are planning a get together and the 'fun' part is that each one of us has to cook something and take it over for the party. I have tried warning them but nobody listens to me. Instead they say that I am just plain lazy! So here I am standing in front of the same frying pan with the same vegetables singing one of Jim Morrison's greatest hits:

This is the end my beautiful friend,

The end of laughter and sweet lies,

The end of nights we tried to die,

This is the end my beautiful friend.

And I am hoping against hope that all of those people get out of that party alive and on their own two feet!

God be with us!

Snow Patrol - How to be Dead

I am a big fan of the band Snow Patrol! I love their lyrics especially those of songs like Signal Fire, Run, Chasing Cars & Open your eyes. But their lyrics for the song 'How to be Dead' is my favorite! Its all about an argument between two people and the lyrics are a frank interpretation of what each person is feeling/saying. Its so true and yet pretty amusing all at the same time! Reminds me of the songs that Bob Dylan used to write. Anyway, enjoy the song:

Crazy Eperiences - I

In my constant endeavor to beat the heat in the desert, I had planned to get myself a nice pair of sunglasses. Now when I say 'nice sunglasses' I mean the Ray - Ban Aviator Sunglasses! Now any guy who has watched the movie Top Gun would love to own an Aviator. They are a classic piece of work!

And so with high spirits, a cashed up wallet and a spring in my step, I checked out a couple of stores but nothing prepared me for what happened next.

I got into a store and the salesperson and I greeted each other! This is was how the conversation went:

SP: How may I help you?

Me: I would like to check out a couple of Ray - Ban Sunglasses. (All Smiles)

SP: Yeah, we have a couple of models here. Which one are you looking for?

Me: Well, I want the Aviator model. Would you happen have that?

SP: You want that for this face?

(Ok, now I am not saying she was a racist but I had no clue what that meant. That spring in my step faded instantly! So back to my conversation,)

Me: What is that supposed to mean?

(after a little hesitation she answered)

SP: I meant your face is a little small.

Me (talking in my head) : What the #$%!!!#$%@#!#@#%$$@#$#@!@#!@#@#$#@$!#!@!!!!!!
I wish someone had taken a photograph of my face at that moment cause I've been trying to figure out what it must have looked like. But I am sure I would've been able to give Jim Carrey a run for his money! So around now it it was pretty evident that I wasn't gonna purchase the sunglass from the store and leaving with whatever dignity I had left seemed like the best option!


Me: Thanks for your time! I'll come back in another year or two!



Now I think i know why people prefer to get most of this stuff online! Its cheaper and it doesn't sting! (phew!)

In The Valley of The Sun

Its been almost a month since I arrived in Arizona and this is what I have to say to people who are planning to come here:

CAUTION:

Extremely Hot Weather! EXTREMELY HOT!!!!!

I remember the moment when I got off the plane, I was walking towards the entry gate and the more I moved away from the plane the hotter it kept getting. Having spent half my life in hot places like Riyadh and Chennai I thought I was cut out for this. But boy oh boy was I wrong! By the time I got out of the airport it was around 8 o clock and I felt those hot winds blow right at me and they made me feel as though I was getting incinerated alive! On the plane I made friends with a US Citizen who was actually from Iran and who had a taste for Indian Music and Culture. So we kept discusses the various "arts" and finally we ended up talking about Metallica and Kula Shaker and GW and stand up comedy. Needless to say I was had a very animated chat with my fellow passenger. He told me that he had been living in Arizona for like 20 years and that there was not much to look forward to. So anyway, as the plane started to descend, I managed to get a sneak peek out of the window and the only thing I saw was red barren land, red bare mountains, a couple of buildings and last but not the least - Cactus es! And this was when my fellow passenger looked at me with the sympathetic expression that one would give a dog that lost its leg and said: "Welcome to your new home. I hope you've brought a lot of sunscreen with you!!!". Obviously this is wasn't the kind of welcome I was looking forward to.

It took me a couple of weeks to get used to the heat but I never leave the house without praying that I don't get a heat stroke. I always knew that people here wore sunscreen. What I didn't know was that they didn't wear clothes. This is the defense mechanism that is employed to beat the heat. Bare it all and walk with pride. Now that is something I have to get used to seeing!

And how could I ever leave out our very own people: INDIANS! This place is filled with 'em ! They're everywhere - in the gas station, in the Swimming pools, behind the Cactus es! You name it and you'll see 'em there!! ;)

And if you're planning to come to AZ then here is your checklist:

1)Sunscreen
2)Water
3)Sunglasses
4)Cap
5)Clothes (optional)


Enjoy!