The Daily Bus Commuter

Around a month back, I decided to commute to the office via public transport. At first it looked like a wonderful prospect as it would allow me to sleep longer as I wouldn't have to wake up to catch the 8:20 am office bus just to reach the office at 9:20am. And of course, it was a much cheaper way to get to the office!

After a few weeks into the new routine, I started to think twice. I wasnt too sure about my decision anymore. And I hold the following people responsible for this.

1) The Bus Conductor:
I usually address them as the 'big boss' or the 'bad ass' depending upon my mood. These guys are the most interesting characters in my daily ordeal. I come across different types of conductors each day. There are ones who get pissed with you just because you are travelling in their bus. These guys will look for faults in you in every manner possible. Most of the time they pretend to not understand the things you tell them and it just makes you feel like asking them 'Are you understanding the words that are coming out of my mouth!? ' (Courtesy Chris Tucker from Rush Hour 2). If not that, they will blame you for not carrying change with you. And by change they mean paises!!!
Now the other type of Conductor is the one that personifies the word ignorant or indifferent. These guys have no clue of what is happening around them. Some of them have no clue where the buses are heading and if asked about it, they will give you the same puzzled look that a foreigner will give you if you asked him the direction to some remote village in some remote area of India :) (pls note if you want to get a puzzled look from a bus driver, just ask him if he knows what the word 'traffic rules' means!)

2) Female Passengers:
Once you get the ticket (without being shouted at) the next challenge is to get a seat. I get in from a bus terminus and so, usually the last rows will be free. At this point, I would like to point out that women will never sit anywhere close to a man unless he is her husband and so they create a group of their kind and segregate themselves. Now this is an ingenious ploy as it will be difficult for the men to find seats ( although this is very rare, I have seen it happen and survived the ordeal ). So one day while i was travelling to the office, I took my seat in the last row which is usually a male dominated region of the bus. But on this day it wasn't entirely male dominated. Out of the seven seats in the last row, there were three women on my left and three men on my right and i was stuck in the middle but it never bothered me. A few stops later, a woman boarded the bus and headed straight over to where I was sitting. In order to feel comfortable with what was about to happen, I used my favorite 'Ignorance is bliss' technique. This lady stood right in front of me and just kept glaring down at me (although it did take me some time to notice that she was doing so because I was too busy trying to get my technique to work). And then she just ordered me to move. At first I wanted to fight back for my seat but then the gentleman inside me told me that it would be a much better option to give her the seat (especially since I had got my ticket without being shouted at and didnt want to give the conductor a reason to shout at me). From that day on, I knew that whoever said women were never treated fairly had never taken a trip on the buses i usually commute in.

3) Fellow Passengers:
Now these guys are the last challenge you will come across. You are usually forced to face this problem only if you are going to stand throughout the journey. I travel during the peak hours and so the buses get crowded pretty quickly. And there is always a simple rule that applies to all buses when they travel during this time. The number of people travelling on the footboard of the bus is generally equal to one-third of the total number of people seated inside the bus. Please note that this is only theoritically true as I am yet to travel on the footboard of a bus and risk my life in doing so. Usually you will be able to find me squashed between many bodies. And the body odour emanating from these bodies will make secondary smoking seem like a joke (If oxygen masks are readily available then I'd advice you to buy them and keep them in stock). If the body odour doesn't get to you, trust me when I say that the wrath of the various sweat glands will. Its a pretty disgusting affair. And so by the end of the journey you'd feel like taking a shower all over again.


So the next time you decide to travel by a public transport bus, I advice you to go early and get a proper seat. And don't ever expect your trip to be a bon voyage! :)